1) For 10 years you’ve been praying for a homeless kitten to turn up in your backyard. You’ve seen the videos on Facebook and assumed it would happen to you too. Even though your much-pined for orphan kitten never showed up, you’ve decided…. you are ready to become a cat-parent. And that cat shall be an orange tabby called Milo.
2) It’s only been one day since you decided to get a cat and you’ve already amassed an impressive collection of toys, scratch posts and cat tipis. You won’t have enough money for food this week, but damn you are proud. You don’t even know where that automatic red-light laser toy came from (with the swivelling top and four settings), but it’s there, waiting.
3) Now that you have a red laser toy, it’s only a matter of time before you welcome the new addition to your home, so you call up your parents and let them know they are going to become grandfurparents. Once they confirm they will cuddle/feed/play with Milo when you are away, you know it’s time.
4) Bristling with anticipation and starry-eyed with excitement, you start the search. Your mind explodes. There are at least 2,849 orange tabby cats on the “pet rescue” site. Not to mention the thousands of orange tabby’s on Facebook… they all look so damn similar!
5) After spending hours on the internet scrolling through pages and pages of cats up for adoption, you decide your future furbaby will be the oldest orange tabby you can find, or the most unlovable one missing an eye, because you will make him feel loved!
6) To your immense relief, you discover the local shelter is only 2.56kms away. Surely, surely there will be an orange tabby there. And if not, you have a plan. You’ll walk in and the first cat that meows/bites you will be the one. You are all about the signs.
7) You pop over to the shelter, but it’s closed. Of course. It’s 10 pm on a weekend.
8) And it’s a good thing they were closed. You forgot there’s a thing called “cat poo”, and you’ll be the hooman cleaning it up. You make a list for gloves, a poopy scoop thing, disinfectant, scented kitty litter, scented kitty-litter liners, scented room spray that is non-toxic for cats, a high-rimmed cat tray, a cat tracking mat and lots of disposable anti-bacterial wipes for when the poo lands on the ceiling. Because that shit will happen.
9) The next day you open your front door. Felix, a fluffy 10-pound grey nomad, is lounging on your doorstep. This is your new cat.