When you are still single and a romance writer

This feels like a running joke of I know what you did last summer. February 14th is the one day of the year I would love to have a SO, yet I always come up short. Maybe that’s the problem. I love being on my own for the other 364 days of the year.

Despite how much I enjoy my #singlelife, I really didn’t think I’d still be single on Valentine’s day two years on from when I wrote my first post on the exact same topic, or the one I wrote last year.

But, in all honesty, I love being single and I suppose I have had a few love interests here and there and in between, but nothing has lasted long enough to stretch over February.

Perhaps I’m jinxing myself or self-sabotaging my relationships or just incredibly unlucky. (And no, it’s not because I’m picky, or have unreasonably high expectations. I’m just a normal girl, looking for a super-amazing-white-knight type of guy and asking him to love her.)

So I’m only going to say this once: Next year, on Valentine’s Day, I will STILL be single and alone and watching the BBC version of Pride and Prejudice and Lost in Austen.

I’ll keep you posted on what really happens in 2019.

Luckily, I have an awesome housemate who I can commiserate with while we watch reruns of You’ve Got Mail, drink light-bodied unoaked Sauvignon blanc from Marlborough and fawn over that Tinder-Knight in shining armour who will no doubt save us one day.

Because that’s what I do best.

I dream about love.

The central theme of most of my novels has always been of ‘an almost unending quest to find love’ – as much as I like to pretend it’s not. I often tell myself that my heroine ‘is on a journey to discover who she really is and that she has the strength to look after herself.’

But that’s total bullshit.

She’s on a mission to find her love story and I want my characters to get their happily ever after. Always.

The one’s who deserve it anyway.

So here’s to another year of being single, happy and writing sappy love stories that are as cringe worthy as I want them to be.

And maybe actually publishing them too.


43 thoughts

  1. I love how unapologetic you are about writing romance ! I used to be the first to dismiss all romance as Harlequin-type unworthy to be read (I had issues XD) but when I started writing about it, I realised I actually enjoy it and I started finding more romance stories that I liked reading too. I can’t say I would want to publish what little romance I write but who knows, might happen one day. Thanks for being so inspiring !

    P.S. also single and loving it :p


  2. I’ve been married forever and the only valentine I got was from my daughter who is constantly crafting things. So, a little cardboard with an ‘I love you’ message was extremely sweet, but she’s flinging out cards and notes and messages and pictures on a daily basis like paper and glitter is going out of style.
    Hang in there. Maybe one day you’ll be happily married but still lamenting about the lack of valentines day celebrations in your house 😆

    Liked by 2 people

  3. I was single this Valentine’s Day (for the first time since about 2002!!!) and it was great! Bought myself a nice dinner and some nice wine, then binge-watched The Punisher on Netflix and swooned over Frank Castle’s rugged AF good looks 😀

    Liked by 2 people

  4. It’s actually good that you’re not forcing yourself to find someone. Let it come naturally. Meet people in person, someone who has the same interest as you. It just makes love all the more authentic for you 🙂

    Liked by 3 people

  5. Trust me if you want to remain a writer and write peacefully, being single is always better. I so desire to go back to the days I could spend time with myself without having to break my reverie suddenly, worried “am I not helping her with something that she might get upset over and ruin the rest of the day?”
    Hope she isn’t on WP… else today is already ruined. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    1. This is where you need to have some jointly agreed time allocations: some time that’s just for you to work, and some time for stuff together. If your SO doesn’t agree to you having any time for your work, or doesn’t respect the agreed-on boundaries, then… yeah, you have problems.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Thanks for sharing your views on this. Well, boundaries are agreed upon, but within my time, she says I can be callously inattentive to her. But that is the whole point. I need that time. You are right…


  6. I actually loved how you openly admitted your love stories are actually about love. I know a lot of romances try to make it about the girl learning to be on her own or come into her own and love just happens to come into her life (maybe as a consequence) but I don’t usually read romances because I think, “hey lets read about a secretly kickass girl becoming an openly kickass girl.” It’s more like, “hey let’s see if the relationship in this story will both excite and frustrate me.” LOL probably why twilight and 50 shades did sooo well because they’re PURELY and unabashedly about love. though….I didn’t like either books. Ok. So bad example. Good example: “Sylvester” by Georgette Heyer.

    Liked by 2 people

  7. Silly Milly, really? I only know a little from your blog, but you’re as worthy as the next one of us, and alot younger than me, for sure. If you want romantic love I believe it’s possible. But you gotta kiss alot of frogs though. Maybe it’s like finding a publisher. Sounds like many of us, we’d take the chance to be in relationship if we found one worth giving up our independence, but it’s not a high priority. Maybe @floatingold is right, one of us is your match? Lost in Austin, Texas.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I say if you’re happy being by yourself 364 days of the year, why go looking for a guy? You don’t need to be in a romantic relationship to live a happy and fulfilled adult life, even as a romance writer. Pop open a nice bottle of something and enjoy that BBC miniseries – which I hardly ever watch because I’ve watched it so many times my husband’s sick of it! Romances aren’t the only relationships worth having. (Disclaimer: very happily married despite husband’s stance on P&P; but this life isn’t for everyone.)

    Liked by 2 people

  9. Are we connected somehow? I’ve had 1 boyfriend on Valentine’s Day, over the span of my entire dating life (I’m 26.) I’ve had several guys, but somehow, through some mystical force of nature, none make it to February. Pish, whatever, right? Because I can buy myself chocolates #workingwoman. But I totally get you.

    Liked by 2 people

  10. That video is hilarious! I don’t think there needs to be any correlation between our real lives and what we write about – frankly, if there is then I never want to meet George R.R. Martin. On a more serious note, I’ve always liked the saying, “If it’s for you, it won’t pass you.” In the meantime, enjoy swooning over Mr Darcy (excellent choice).

    Liked by 4 people

  11. I so get you!!! We’re all looking for that love that never fails, never ends, and brings life and growth to us. It’s been hard, but I have realized (and re-realized a hundred times) that only Jesus can offer me this type of Love– and He does.
    Happy Valentine’s Day!

    Liked by 1 person

  12. When you said: “I’m only going to say it once”, I expected to read something along the lines of “Looking for such and such. If you fit the description, feel free to contact me. Maybe your Prince Charming is among your followers…

    Liked by 3 people

  13. I don’t know what it takes to find love. I really don’t. I see people doing it successfully all around me. I also see people who are not successful and it is not clear why. They are good people.
    Maybe some psychologist can explain it all away, but sometimes things just don’t happen.
    Some pep talk this is. Actually, it isn’t a pep talk. You’ve got lots of people (too many probably) telling you that you can do it. You don’t need me for that.
    However, what I can say is that based on your writing you’ve got a dynamite personality and are intelligent. Based on your pictures you are beautiful. Based on your responses to other people, you are obviously compassionate and caring.
    Okay, so this was a pep talk…but not about finding love. It was pep talk for you. Again, you’ve probably got lots of people for that…but hey, who can’t use a few more.
    Happy Valentines day and enjoy the BBC.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Well, as I am writing fantasy, there are moments when the characters get closer. It does feel a bit weird writing these parts as a guy who’s single since ever. There is no moment where the feeling of “I have no idea what I am doing” is stronger.
    Anyway, good luck with finding your ideal partner. And with your writing as well.

    Liked by 1 person

  15. I’m a big believer in reverse psychology so perhaps your tactic will work.

    Just a thought … toward the end of one of my novels one of the characters gives another a bit of advice, not sure it will help here but I’ll offer it. “If you search really hard for something, often you’ll find it. But the IT you find may not be the something you were after.”
    Happy Valentine’s Day.

    Liked by 3 people

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