Short story: The One Left Behind

Monty

There was a storm brewing outside. A cliché I know, but there really was a storm brewing, no other word for it. And even though I didn’t want to look, I was transfixed. A crack of thunder made me jump, and for a moment, I thought I saw the outline of a man in the clouds…  I shivered, trying to reassure myself that it was nothing but a trick of the light, a random assortment of shadows highlighted by the lightning, forming an eerie silhouette.

Last week my sister had told me that she had met someone wonderful, someone… from another world. And not only that, he was a magical being with superhuman powers. Total bullshit of course, but my sister has always been a little wishy-washy when it came to these kinds of things, so I had entertained her and nodded, watching as her face displayed surprise at my lack of concern.

‘You don’t believe me,’ she had said in her soft voice, ‘I really thought you might, I’m not lying, you know.’

‘I don’t think you’re lying. Tell me more about him.’ At this point I remember struggling not to laugh, watching as my sister leaned over the windowsill, staring at the swirling grey of an approaching storm.

She rolled her eyes. ‘Yes you do, but I’ll tell you regardless. He’s there, in that storm,’ she paused, her mouth lifting at the corner with a half-smile. I was once again blindsided by her beauty, her delicate features and glowing skin with its otherworldly translucent sheen. If anyone could be magical, it was her. The downside, she was a little crazy.

‘So, he can create storms?’

‘Come on Mont, don’t be stupid.’ And her head had tilted back, a gentle laugh fluttering from her throat. When she settled she turned to me, her expression urgent and… perplexing. ‘He’s waiting for me in the storm because that’s where the portal is to his world. He’s asked me to go with him, but I wasn’t sure. If I go, I’ll never be able to come back. But there will be other storms, so I can always make him wait.’

‘Ok… then how did he get here if you can’t return?’

My sister pursed her lips. ‘It was my fault.’

‘Your fault?’

‘Yeah. You remember when we went to the lake and I got caught out in that storm when I was kayaking?’

‘I remember. You were almost hit by lightning.’ My memories of my sister’s close call were burned into my mind. The crack of thunder, her empty yellow kayak cresting high over a wave, the relief when I’d found her, spluttering and spitting the dark lake water onto the pebbles of the beach.

‘I never told anyone, but when the lightning bolt hit, everything froze, the water droplets, my hair, the rain and the wind. I slipped beneath the surface and that’s when he found me. I don’t really remember much though, I only really remember the drowning bit really. But… I do know that he saved me and took me to shore, where you found me.’

My sister had finished her story, watching me with expectant eyes. All I had been thinking at that moment was my sister was crazy and I was the one who had been calling for help.

I’d coughed and nodded, scratching the right side of my head. ‘So I still don’t get why you can’t come back.’

My sister was exasperated, shaking her head as she sighed. ‘I called for him during a storm, it was some kind of magical intersection. I mean I don’t know how it all works though okay? Its magic, it’s not supposed to be understandable. He just told me it would be highly unlikely I’d be able to come back. He told me… I was a conduit like him, the reason why he was able to find me.’

I was exhausted by my sister’s strange story, my chest tight with embarrassment. ‘But, we went to the lake months ago, what’s he been doing all this time? Hanging out by your window?’

My sister hadn’t been impressed, and she’d squinted her eyes. ‘Fine then, I’m not telling you anything else because you clearly think I’m crazy.’ And she’d stalked off in a funk, the last time I’d ever see her.

She had always been so peculiar that at the time I hadn’t seen the warning signs, couldn’t pick that she was possibly in danger. And she was. Because my sister went missing not long after and no one has seen her since.

It’s only now after the police have questioned my entire family that I understand how terrifying and real this all is. My sister is missing, most likely murdered, her body perhaps dumped in a secluded wood or river. And the worst thing? I didn’t tell the police about my sister and how she had fallen in love with a ‘magical being’ from another world. I didn’t want them to think she was nuts. I wanted them to paint a perfect picture – how she was a beautiful, innocent and talented young lady cruelly snatched away from her loving family. It didn’t matter that I might be able to help them track down her murderer, I couldn’t let them destroy her memory or turn her into the villain of her own story. I could see the headline now: Crazy, mentally-ill girl abandons family, probably moved to Tasmania.

At night I often replay our last conversation, and when I do, I always add an ‘I love you’ to the end, hoping that wherever her soul is now resting, she knows how much I love her.

Is it possible that she was kidnapped by a maniac? Perhaps. But I knew he was more likely to have been a ghost, a figment of her imagination, my sister well and truly on her way to crazy. It’s also possible that she may have suffered a psychotic break and hit her head while walking along the river, her body sliding unheeded and unnoticed below the water. Or could she be wandering the streets right now, everyone passing her off as a homeless drug addict? Would she turn up in a few years’ time, unwashed and unrecognisable, nothing but skin and bones?

Where are you, Sybil? And why did you have to go and leave me here alone?

I do occasionally wonder if she was telling the truth. What if she did find a portal to a different world? What if magic is real? It’s my favourite scenario for her, that she is living right now in a brand new, exciting world filled with dragons, monsters and magic.

I sighed and looked up. The storm I was watching was angry, the clouds purple and green, a striking contrast to the blue sky overhead. It was a spectacular sight and I could see a few people taking photos of the storm from across the road, an older couple were even holding up a selfie stick. I almost giggled, it was the funniest thing I’d seen all day.

Watching the man fumble with his selfie stick, I imagined myself doing the same thing, stepping out into the rain, waiting for the build-up of static electricity that would signal a lightning strike. Could the same strange event that happened to my sister happen to me? I shook my head and laughed. I’d have to be insane to do something like that. But still, the storm beckoned.

Where are you? Come into the storm. My sister’s voice carried on the wind, my ears straining as I listened to my sister calling to me. Was I really hearing her or was I making up the words? I knew she was most likely dead, her body under the ground, hidden for all time. But… she could be alive, waiting at the edge of the storm, waiting for me.

I grabbed my cap and slipped it over my ponytail, then tightened my hoodie around my neck. I didn’t really know what I was doing as I slipped down the stairs and gently pulled open the back door. The door screeched as a rumble of thunder shook the house. I waited, holding my breath. I could hear my mother chatting away on the phone in the kitchen, oblivious to my escape. I’d have to hurry, the storm was getting closer, I didn’t have much time.

A force I didn’t recognise compelled me forward and into the backyard, but I paused as I rested my hand on the back gate. It was cooler outside then I had expected, the flurries of wind brushing my hair to and fro across my face. I tucked the loose strands under my hat, shrugging my shoulders against the chill as I pressed on the latch of the back gate, stepping out into the laneway.

The sky grew darker as I continued forward, fat droplets of rain seeping through my thin, lightweight hoodie and onto my skin. If I’d been prepared I would have had my raincoat ready to go, but as it was, they were kept in a closet next to the kitchen – and therefore in full view of my prying, suspicious mother.

I was almost at the park when I turned away. It was a ridiculous idea, running out into a thunderstorm with the imagined whispers of my sister’s voice lingering in my ears. What was wrong with me?  Why would I put myself in harm’s way in the pursuit of an impossible reality? There was no such thing as magic and there would be no happy ending to my sister’s disappearance. Even if she had left me behind and slipped into another world, how would I ever know?

I glanced once more into the storm, my heart yearning for a sign, for anything to signal that my sister was alive. The back of my neck began to tingle, lightly at first like a gentle caress, before a wave of pins and needles swept down my arms. What was going on? Was this my sister calling to me from beyond the grave? And then I heard a whispered voice carried on the wind, there you are, don’t move.

Before I could take another step a bright explosion of light blinded my eyes, a crack of thunder reverberating around my body. When I opened my eyes I was on the ground, my cap resting in a puddle a few meters away, the rain gliding freely through my hair and over my face. I was shaking as I stood up, wiping the grass and dirt from my clothes. I couldn’t see where the bolt of lightning had hit the ground. The trees were waving unharmed in the wind, the ground devoid of any strange markings. I took in a deep breath. What on Earth was going on? Was that a sign? Was my sister alive?

‘Holy moley! Are you alright?’

I turned around and caught sight of the man with the selfie stick running up toward me. He was breathing, in short, gasping breaths, his eyes wide with shock. Behind him I could see the woman, her eyes wide with fright

‘Um… I think I’m okay.’ But my voice was trembling. I checked my body one more time, patting my arms and legs, relieved to see that everything was in its usual place.

‘I thought you were a goner. I’m pretty sure you were directly under that bolt of lightning.’ The man said, rubbing his chin and shaking his head.

The woman reached forward and touched my arm. ‘You should probably go to the hospital.’ 

‘No please don’t call them, I think I’m fine.’ As I said the words I could see a few more people coming up towards us.

‘So where’d your friend go? Did he run off? Is he OK?’ It was the man speaking this time, looking around through the rain.

I blinked. ‘I’m sorry what?’

‘Your friend, where’d he go?’

‘Ah, there was no one here but me in the laneway.’ I looked around, but there was no one in sight.

The man shook his head. ‘I’m sure there was someone else here, standing next to you, reaching out over your head. I’m not sure I got it on camera as we were focusing on the clouds.’ The man was swiping furiously on his phone, frowning as he brought up a photo. ‘Whoa. Here, look’.

I leaned over and glanced at the screen, not comprehending what I was seeing. It looked like the man had taken a photo mid-strike, but it was overexposed and filled with white light. ‘I can’t really see anything.’

The man jabbed at the middle of the screen. ‘Look, you’re both right there.’

I peered closer. I hadn’t noticed it at first, but there was definitely a vague outline of two people in the middle of the photo, surrounded by a halo of white light. One was taller than the other, his arm outstretched over someone wearing a cap. Me. I stepped back and touched my hand to my heart. This was crazy, it couldn’t be real. A flurry of goosebumps rushed over my shoulders and down my arms. ‘That’s me. I think.’

The man was nodding, excited. ‘And your friend. I’ll have to send this photo to the news station, it’s incredible. I’m surprised you’re not dead.’

But I couldn’t say anything more as I started to walk away. I had to get away from here, now.

‘Wait, what’s your name? They’re gonna want to know who you are, you just survived a lightning strike! It’s a miracle!’

‘I’m sorry!’ I mumbled as I pushed past them. ‘I don’t want anyone to know who I am.’

The man was saying something else but I couldn’t hear him, only the sound of my feet slapping on the rain-soaked pavement. I didn’t stop running until I could see the familiar sight of the back gate to my home. I slowed down and took a few slow, deep breaths. I’d almost been hit by lighting, but then someone had appeared out of nowhere, shielded me and then just as miraculously disappeared.  What the hell was that all about?

My arms and legs were still tingling with adrenaline as my chest tightened with emotion. My sister hadn’t been lying. Magic was real, it had to be.

I was still leaning on the back gate, ignoring the rain trickling down my back when I heard footsteps coming up the laneway behind me. They were slow and even, not at all like the man with the selfie stick. The sound stopped and then I heard a low, deep voice.

‘So you’re the one.’

I shivered and turned around, eyes widening as I caught a glimpse, of him.


Part 2

 


Comments

186 responses to “Short story: The One Left Behind”

  1. Mia Gardner Avatar
    Mia Gardner

    I love this idea of posting short stories and am feeling very inspired!! Do you have any advice on doing this for me? M x

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hey Mia! I love the offerings on your blog, and your layout is a standout! In regards to short stories, I reckon just go for it and post whatever you like and go from there. You’ll get some wonderful feedback and tips that will only help you improve your writing (at first I was a bit affronted by the advice, now I relish it).
      I post short stories in whatever genre or format I’m interested in at the time, whether it be romance, fantasy, speculative, crime etc… I try to keep my shorts under 3,000 words, but ‘The One Left Behind’ is now a novella! The one benefit to a personal blog, is you’re free to break the rules! Serials are a great idea 🙂
      When you get around to posting a story, feel free to share the link here so I can read it! xx

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Mia Gardner Avatar
        Mia Gardner

        Thank you so much for the advice! I am 100% going to keep up with your blog!! Very inspiriational X

        Like

  2. You’re most welcome Milly. Thanks a lot too.
    People like me just love to pump positive energy into the universe. More golden ink to your pen.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Such an intriguing short story this is. You sparked my curiousity from the first paragraph. I love the way you write. Your clarity and flow immerses the reader in a world you have created with vivid words. I’ve got no choice but to follow your great blog. I’m hooked. :D.
    By the way, thanks for following Geoidhead. The gesture is much appreciated. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That’s such a lovely comment 🙂 I don’t know what I’d do without people like you 🙂 Thanks so much!!!

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Enjoyed the suspense of this story!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Yay awesome thanks!!

      Like

  5. great story such an extended mind you have keep up the good work

    you should check my stories out sometime

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you so much ! Yes I will 🙂

      Like

  6. calderwooderic Avatar
    calderwooderic

    Very well written and entertaining. I’m looking forward to reading part 2.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you!! I think there’s a part 2 now 🙂 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Wow! This was amazinggg. 😍

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks so much!!

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Great work!!! can you also help me by giving me feedback on my blog of short stories… you just awed me ❤ .. your words are magical

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you! Can you share some links of your work here?

      Like

  9. […] via Short story: The One Left Behind — Milly Schmidt […]

    Like

  10. I really enjoyed this! Looking forward to part two!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you! And funny you should say that, I’m posting Part 2 tomorrow!

      Like

  11. A great use of rising tension and pathetic fallacy. I found the casual narration perhaps overly calm at some points given the situation but overall thoroughly enjoyed.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks so much for the feedback!! 🙂 I’ll have to work on the ‘overly calm’ when in stressful situations bit, I’ve noticed I actually do this quite a bit, so thanks!

      Liked by 1 person

  12. Great work . And believe it or not magic and supernatural stuff do exist . Waiting for more to come ….

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thank you. I had so much fun writing this one, trying to strike a careful balance between reality and magic. Part 2 should explain a bit more 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. The NCHANTING whispers Avatar
        The NCHANTING whispers

        Eagerly waiting for the next part , hoping that it will come soon ….

        Liked by 1 person

        1. It’s coming out in T-10 hours 🙂 🙂

          Liked by 1 person

          1. The NCHANTING whispers Avatar
            The NCHANTING whispers

            Awesome …I will check it out ….

            Liked by 1 person

  13. More! You can’t leave me hanging

    Liked by 2 people

    1. There is more! I promise 😁

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Okay then. I’m expecting.
        Quick question,
        Do you know how i change my plan from free to personal?

        Liked by 1 person

        1. There’s a button called ‘Plan’ on the left hand side bar 🙂

          Like

          1. Yeah I saw it. But I couldn’t change it from free to personal

            Liked by 1 person

          2. Oh that’s so weird! Might be a question for the tech people 🙂

            Liked by 1 person

          3. Yeah. Thanks a lot Milly

            Like

  14. What a great story. I was gripped from the beginning! Is there going to be a part two?

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Yep there sure is! I’m working on it now 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Fantastic, I look forward to it!

        Liked by 2 people

      2. Awesome this is amazing! Can’t wait to read more! Loved how your story flowed and your combination of details with action, it created a very vivid picture.

        Liked by 2 people

        1. Thanks so much! Part 2 is coming tomorrow/tonight depending on what country you’re in 🙂

          Liked by 1 person

          1. Really that’s awesome! 🙂

            Liked by 1 person

  15. adriankugara Avatar
    adriankugara

    Impressive indeed👍

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thanks! 🙂 🙂

      Like

  16. […] via Short story: The One Left Behind — Milly Schmidt […]

    Like

  17. Love it!! Great story, kept me hooked right till the end. The open ending makes it even better.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you! The open ending is one of my favourite parts of the story. I’m actually writing a part 2 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

  18. This is really nice :3

    Liked by 2 people

  19. Good story. Very original. Of course, now I want to know what happens next…

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Even I want to know what’s next…Eee… I’m so excited….I hope you have a second part of this story..

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I’m actually working on a part 2 🙂 🙂

        Like

        1. Nice 👍 do inform when you are done

          Liked by 1 person

  20. Nice read. Very creative.

    Liked by 2 people

  21. This is absolutely amazing, I couldn’t read it fast enough. xx

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Yay thanks!! 🙂 🙂

      Like

  22. I really enjoyed this!! Such a cool and unique idea.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you!! 😁😁

      Like

  23. kls8623 Avatar
    kls8623

    Awesome read! Love pieces where they look long but then I get to the end and think “that was quick!”.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Yay thank you! ☺

      Like

  24. Wow I just couldn’t stop reading.. It’s brilliant!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Really? Awe thank you so much !!!

      Liked by 1 person

  25. Really loved your short story. Wow. It got me hooked…..

    Liked by 2 people

    1. That’s awesome to hear, thank you !!! ✨

      Like

  26. wow this is awesome

    Liked by 2 people

  27. I certainly hope this is not the end if the story! I was captivated from beginning to end. Wonderful job! 😀

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you!!! I actually did write a part 2 for you guys, here it is: https://millyschmidt.com/2018/02/06/the-one-left-behind-part-2/

      Liked by 1 person

  28. […] via Short story: The One Left Behind — Milly Schmidt […]

    Like

  29. It was captivating. Great story

    Liked by 2 people

  30. That end part actually gave me goosebumps….. good read.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you!! That’s sooooo cool to hear 🙂 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

  31. Awesome storyyyyy…worth readinggg

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you so much 🙂

      Like

  32. Who was the guy at the end, and does he know where the narrator’s sister is? Does the guy with the selfie stick know? So many questions.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. This might clear up a few questions, or create more! LOL

      Part 2 is done 🙂

      https://millyschmidt.com/2018/02/06/the-one-left-behind-part-2/

      Like

  33. Is there a sequel?

    Liked by 2 people

  34. Wow! That was very good. Terry

    Liked by 2 people

  35. suraiyyaamatullah Avatar
    suraiyyaamatullah

    I was hooked so quickly…Thank you 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    1. The thanks belongs to you!! Thank you for stopping by and commenting, means a lot, especially when it’s a story 🙂 🙂

      Like

  36. Great story.
    Please read my recent uploaded fictional story. Hope you’ll enjoy reading it.

    The Hidden Brink

    Your feedback would be a blessing.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I’m so sorry, I only just saw this 🙂 I’m heading over there right now 🙂

      Like

  37. Absolutely loved the story. It drew me in immediately. I was sad that it ended so quickly. I would have loved to continue reading.

    Liked by 4 people

    1. ThanksI’ll have to continue the story 🙂 I was almost tempted to turn this one into a novel hahah

      Liked by 2 people

    2. I wrote a part 2 for you all! https://millyschmidt.com/2018/02/06/the-one-left-behind-part-2/

      And there will be a part 3, and maybe a 4… 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

      1. I will read it right away and let you know what I think.

        Like

  38. Great story Millie!

    Liked by 3 people

  39. Hi Milly. I was captivated by every line. You kept the suspense the whole time.. i really loved the open ending. Keep writing

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Hi Lalie, thanks for such a lovely comment, I had no clue if it was any good or not. So thank you!! 🙂

      Like

  40. Aishwarya's Views Avatar
    Aishwarya’s Views

    Wow nice…

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thank you 🙂 🙂

      Like

  41. Tyler B. Humphries Avatar
    Tyler B. Humphries

    This was a very good short story. I really like your writing voice.

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Thanks Tyler 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  42. Awesome!

    Liked by 4 people

  43. I love your writing style. The story too; it is captivating.

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Thank you 🙂 It’s so nice to hear things like this – it gives me hope that I’m not a complete failure!! Hahah

      Like

  44. Loved this Milly! Gripping from the outset and throttling all the way through. Have you continued this story?

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Thanks 😉 Yeah I did continue you it for a little bit, so I was thinking I may have to post a part 2 hahaha

      Like

  45. Excellent one really
    I really liked the frame of story
    I think i do write on similar genre,wanna check out
    http://shivashishspeaks.wordpress.com/

    Liked by 4 people

  46. Candy Lebby Avatar
    Candy Lebby

    Really enjoyed this story!

    Liked by 3 people

  47. Great read! Really enjoyed it!

    Liked by 3 people

  48. Mr. Militant Negro Avatar
    Mr. Militant Negro

    Reblogged this on The Militant Negro™.

    Liked by 2 people

  49. That was an eerie, stir up your brain sort of post. Leaving the ending opening is the best way .

    Liked by 4 people

  50. I quite like there being in stories a sort of ambiguity of genres. It certainly kept me hooked in the beginning, as I was reading your story: are we in some sort of psychological drama where the girl is gonna impose her madness on her sister and their family? Or, my favourite, one of fantasy. A lovely read, I hope there’s more to follow 😉

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Thank you!! When I first started writing this one, I wasn’t sure if it was going to turn into a psychological drama or a fantasy! I suppose I left the ending open enough that it could be either 🙂

      Like

    2. Oh and I was thinking of doing a part 2 of this one as well 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Just read it (eventually)! You’ve done a great job, particularly like the scene in the car when she starts to harbour doubts about theo and then things quickly turn on their heads. I don’t know why… But I’m getting a kind of ‘City of Bones’ vibe… Possibly a similar style of writing, which can only be a good thing! 😉

        Like

  51. While it is short and simple, it makes for an easy read and is quite gripping. Great writing! =)
    I’m new to wordpress and wanted to see what other people write so thanks for the experience and I hope my writing improves to be even a fraction of what yours is!

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Hahah thanks!! Don’t worry I’m sure your writing is WAY better then you think. I still don’t think I’m any good, but it strives to work harder every day 🙂

      Like

  52. A very good story.
    I liked the ending very much.
    You definitely have to keep writing.
    By the way, I’m new to all this WordPress thing, I’m trying to build a community of writers around me so we can help each other grow, is it possible here?
    Can someone like review my story?

    Liked by 4 people

  53. Raj Parekh Avatar
    Raj Parekh

    The most awaited story – *LIFE AND DEATH E02* is published! 😌

    Author – Raj Parekh ✒

    Like. ✅ Share. ⤴ Comment 🙂

    *Pana©ea*

    LIFE AND DEATH S01E02

    Liked by 3 people

  54. I really enjoyed this story. Awesome job!

    Liked by 5 people

    1. Thank you!! I’m so glad you liked it!!

      Like

  55. It will make more sweet when you do find someone to publish to your stories.

    Liked by 5 people

    1. Hahah yeah can you imagine 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

  56. Fascinating read, Milly! Loved the compelling pace of the narrative!

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thank you!! It really helps when lovely bloggers like yourself take the time out of your day to leave such lovely comments, especially after I’ve just received ANOTHER rejection for my novel hahah

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Don’t lose heart, Milly! You’ll get there someday! Tough stuff only make you tougher! Just imagine for a moment the day, when you casually sign ten copies of your work and distribute it to the lucky few among thousands thronging the book store! Let that image motivate you and empower you to continue what you do best! We are all here to support you! Go get’em gal!

        Liked by 2 people

        1. I’m a bit embarrassed to say that I do keep that image in my mind all the time (being a successful author), gives me hope when there probably shouldn’t be any!! Thanks 🙂

          Liked by 2 people

  57. Hey I love to share this story on my blog. I would post with link back to your blog. Let me know if that would be possible. 🙂

    Liked by 5 people

  58. Great story for Halloween 🎃

    Liked by 5 people

    1. Yes Halloween!! I posted it around that time too hahah 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  59. Oooo love, this gave me goosebumps. The idea behind the story was fascinatingly unique and well executed. Well done doll xx you did lovely xo

    Liked by 5 people

    1. Thank you so much!!! 🙂

      Like

  60. Wow! Nice one! What a smooth story hehe.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Really? That’s awesome 🙂 I’ve never been told I’ve written a ‘smooth’ story before – do you mean in relation to the writing or the story?

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Yeah really. Both 🙂 hehe.

        Liked by 2 people

        1. Thanks!! 🙂 🙂

          Liked by 2 people

          1. My pleasure hehe.

            Liked by 1 person

  61. I wanna know more!!!

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Part 2 here we come 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  62. oflettersandlibraries Avatar
    oflettersandlibraries

    Really enjoyed this, Milly. Love the mysterious mood of the piece. Who knows whether the magic of this world will turn out to be benevolent or not for Monty…

    Liked by 5 people

    1. I’m so happy you enjoyed it 🙂 Thank you! Yeah poor Monty, I think she needs a proper ending

      Like

  63. Reblogged this on The Indie Spot! and commented:
    Here’s a short story from author Milly Schmidt!

    Liked by 5 people

    1. Hahah thanks! It’s so weird/cool seeing someone refer to me as an author 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. You write well, therefore you are an author!

        Like

  64. Wow a great story Milly! Loved the intrigue and drama and just a taste of the magical happening right around us that we choose to ignore. Who is this man!? What is he?! Are you going to write more?

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you!! I would LOVE to write more of this one – and I think I will. I might have to wait until after NaNoWriMo though as I’ve decided to take part this year 🙂 I was going to use this idea, but another one took root and wouldn’t let go haha

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Haha that’s stories for you. They just sweep you up and take you to their magical Oz and you just follow the yellow brick road of creativity.

        Good luck on your NaNo!

        Liked by 3 people

  65. Thanks for sharing your short story. It can be nerve wracking for writers to put themselves out there like that, so congratulations. Great story 😊

    Liked by 5 people

    1. Thank you Marie! Yeah I’m always nervous posting short stories (especially paranormal romance ones for some reason), then I’m like ‘what do I have to lose?’

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Exactly! Nothing to lose! The more you put it out there, the more confident you will become 😊

        Like

  66. This was the first story of yours I’ve read, and I wanted to tell you how great I thought it was! Your pacing, descriptions and imagination were all spot on; they really drew me in.

    Followed, and looking forward to reading more! Is there a story you’re particularly proud of?

    Liked by 5 people

    1. Thank you! I’m slowly starting to get my writing legs back thanks to lovely commenters like you!! I’m probably most proud of Two Weeping Willows 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  67. I want to know what happens next!!

    Liked by 5 people

    1. I’ll have to do a part 2!! ☺

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Ah, yay! I’ve just read it and, omg, another cliffhanger! Bring on Part 3!!

        Like

  68. victoriaisle Avatar
    victoriaisle

    good piece, cannot wait to read the others you have posted..previously.

    Liked by 5 people

    1. Thank you ☺☺

      Like

  69.  Avatar
    Anonymous

    Ooooh! I love the twists in this piece, and the cliffhanger (though if you wanted to write a whole book on this I’d read it and not complain 😉 )

    Liked by 5 people

    1. Thanks!! You know what, I think I could easily write a whole book on this – I really thought Monty’s story wasn’t over ☺

      Liked by 2 people

      1. I agree, Milly… Write the book! ♥

        Liked by 4 people

        1. I did a part 2! Could turn into a book one day hahah

          Like

  70. Roman R. Sanchez Avatar
    Roman R. Sanchez

    Crazy can be magical, because the imagination can often be a little weird, but many good things can stem from it. I like the mix of G-d, Wizard of Oz, the life and death elements present in the story. I still want to know what happened to the sister?

    Liked by 4 people

    1. That’s so true, about crazy being kinda magical ☺ well, I had an idea of why would happen to the sister, but then I realised if I kept going it would turn into some kind of novella hahah

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Roman R. Sanchez Avatar
        Roman R. Sanchez

        I would definitely read whatever followed if you chose to write it. But if you chose to leave it like it is, it’s great too, because it lets the reader interpret the story however they want. However, can you briefly tell us here in the comment section what happens to her. Is there really a magical world or is she dead?

        Liked by 3 people

        1. I always wanted to leave the ending open with two possible conclusions (the reader can decide which one they believe is true): 1) Sybil was murdered and everything Monty experiences about ‘magic’ isn’t real (unreliable narrator who is imagining a better ending for her sister) or 2) Sybil did meet someone magical and is now living in a parallel universe. Everything Monty experienced really happened and in the end, she too goes through the portal to be reunited with her sister.

          I prefer happy endings and I would choose a magical world over one rooted in reality any day. I always intended for option 2 to be the real one 🙂

          Liked by 2 people

  71. Graham Kar Avatar
    Graham Kar

    I general I liked it. It played wonderfully with the dichotomy between fantasy is real and something much more sinister but more real happened. Just like the stories we used to tell to little kids in the age of the Grimm brothers. The ending is the best part. It’s open-ended and makes you wonder if the fantasy could be real.

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Thanks ☺ I had no clue where this story was going to go while I was writing it – if Monty’s sister was murdered or that the magic was real and she was alive and happy in another world. In the end I decided a life-of-Pi-like ending was more fitting ☺

      Like

  72. A captivating story with some lovely expressions. Just right for Halloween! 🙂

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Thanks! Yes? Just in time for Halloween haha ☺

      Like

  73. You are a good writer!

    Liked by 4 people

Leave a comment