The nine stages of trying to write when you have a cat

It is a truth universally acknowledged* that if you’re a writer who has a cat โ€“ well youโ€™re going to need all the help you can get.

They use many tactics to keepย us distracted, and it is up to all of us to compile our resources and figure out a way to combat this threat toย our creative writing process #ThisIsSerious

Please do contact me ASAP if you suffer from any of the challenges listed below:

1. Itโ€™s writing time and youโ€™ve hit the jackpot. Your cat has vanished and you have many hours of uninterrupted writing time spread out before you. But youโ€™d be wrong. Of course.

cupboard-cat

2.ย And thenย it happens. That moment when your cat somehow magically selects Ctr+A followed by the delete button. IT CAN HAPPEN.

lion-annoying

3. Luckily us humans know of this handy thing called โ€˜Ctr+zโ€™. So now they have no choice but to resort to โ€˜the stareโ€™. It is one of the most intense things youโ€™ll ever experience

creepycat_zps000fefc5

4. But youโ€™re wrong. Again. Because thereโ€™s this lingering smell… that’s turning into a bloody horrific stench and you canโ€™t concentrate on anything else because like holy balls what have you eaten mate?? And where the hell is that damnย poop-a-scoop thingy and why can’t you afford a self-cleaning litter-robot!?

kittensand

5. Youโ€™ve written 25 words when you realise itโ€™s quiet. Too quiet. Wait, did you leave the window open? Nah, you’re pretty sure you didn’t.

flyingcat

6. You’ve finally, miraculously come up with the best twist in the whole world when โ€“ BAM. You hear THE MEOW. The Iโ€™m about to die meow unless you come and save me meow. But by the time you get there – he’s fine. And the twist you just came up with? Itโ€™s gone. Forever.

cat stuck.gif

7. It has taken countless support groups and late night research sessions, but youโ€™ve finally figured out how to distract your cat. Boxes.

maru box.gif

8. But the box only works for so long. The cat wants food. Now.

sliding-cat

9. After youโ€™ve spent possibly decades trying to ignore/feed/hide fromย your cat and complete your masterpiece, you think โ€˜Iโ€™ve won! Iโ€™ve finally finished!โ€™ But then you come home to this:

cta eating paper.gif

Yes, this actually happened to me:

*clearly Jane Austen


Comments

73 responses to “The nine stages of trying to write when you have a cat”

  1. My catโ€™s litter tray is downstairs in the kitchen (awful place to put it anyway) but after every poop he comes upstairs to my room to clean himself!!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. hahah gotta love cats ๐Ÿ™‚

      Like

  2. An Unrepentant Grammar Nazi Avatar
    An Unrepentant Grammar Nazi

    Cute article. But it’s “we humans” and not “us humans”. Still, cute article.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hahah there’s gotta be one!

      Like

  3. theatkinsadventures Avatar
    theatkinsadventures

    Hahahaha such a funny post and so true! The miaow and the stare are my cats favourite tactics! So glad it’s not just me ๐Ÿ˜Š I once dropped my Mac because my cat was pestering me when writing, it slid off my knee and broke the screen!! Arghhhhhh! But we still love them!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Argh no way! Broke the screen? That would be my worst nightmare LOL. Were you able to get it fixed? The worst thing my cat’s done is shatter one of my favourite bowls from this special range you can’t buy anymore. I couldn’t get angry at him though because he was so distressed by the loud shattering noise that I had to comfort him for aaaaages hahaha

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  4. Haha I was just trying to read this but now my arms are being laid on and my neck has needle like claws in it as I’m being kneaded! Nice timing dear Aten Cat. Well I will resume reading this in a bit as now I’m being headbutted.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. hahaha, I know all about those needles! The other day I was a little confused as to why I had all these ‘pimples’ on my shoulder. Took me a second before I realised it’s where my cat digs his claws into whenever I pick him up

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Oh goodness the truth in this! Haha! The only thing I’ve never dealt with my cats (yes I have two..double trouble lol) is they don’t like to eat paper but they do like to sit on and next to me as if I’m a big comfy couch.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Funnily enough my cat actually doesn’t sit on me too much. He prefers the dog bed, which the dog is never too happy about… I ended up having to buy two identical dog beds (had to be the exact same size) because the cat ALWAYS chooses the biggest bed!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Aww haha. Really? My cats sit either on me or near me just to chill. They’re so spoiled lol

        Liked by 1 person

  6. Caaaaatssss โค I'm already freaking out. I have two and I tend to have a love-hate relationship all the time. Also, thank you for following. Your blog is beautiful <3. I'm going to read all over, gasping and awww ing at cat pictures along the way ๐Ÿ˜€

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you!! I can’t believe you have two cats! How on Earth do you manage? I have enough trouble with just one Hahha

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Well the first one is completely um how do you call it, a gentlecat speciment of the felines ๐Ÿ˜› hahahahaha I mean he NEVER misbehaves. He’s almost 2 years old. I don’t know why his old caretakers were so hell bent on getting rid of him. The other. I got as a baby. He’s the devil, you ask me! Gawd. Even now he’s staring at me continuously and I’m pretty sure he must have either pooped on my research journal or my writing pad or chewed up my pencils. hahahaha He does that all the time.. And you know what, he demands to be fed an egg at breakfast. SMH

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  7. Hahaha this is my life!! I really enjoyed reading your post. It gave me a good laugh

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Haha awesome, glad to know I’m not the only one!!

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Luckily (?) my cats are outdoor animals except for short visits only. Substitute “investigate room relentlessly, while purring loudly” for all of the above. It is every bit as distracting!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Lucky you! My cat’s inside only and he pesters me endlessly to go outside. I have to give him supervised visits all the time. I wish he could be outside! (I live on a super busy road).

      Like

  9. The worst thing my moggy does is insist on a cuddle up in my chest on the desk with his head on my wrist. It’s kind of sweet and I mostly accommodate but sometimes he just gets shoved to the side. He tries to sneak back in. But mostly my cat is more like a dog than a cat. And thank God he never meows for dinner. He’s worked out that the stare is very good for manifesting food into the bowl.

    On Tue, Sep 26, 2017 at 11:44 PM, Milly Schmidt wrote:

    > Milly Schmidt posted: “It is a truth universally acknowledged* that if > you’re a writer who has a cat โ€“ well youโ€™re going to need all the help you > can get. They use many tactics to keep us distracted, and it is up to all > of us to compile our resources and figure out a way to co” >

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Haha I love that your cat uses ‘the stare’ to get food! Mine does something similar, he’ll get as close to me as he can, proceeds to stare and then taps me on the cheek (he does it when I’m sleeping too, which scares me to no end). Took me a while to realise that this was his ‘give me food now’ tactic hahaha

      Like

  10. My cat loves eating paper, too!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Wow it really should be the ‘cat ate my homework’ hahaha

      Liked by 1 person

  11. latinauctor Avatar
    latinauctor

    LOL, I do not have a cat, but all of this was great!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Awesome! Hahaha

      Like

  12. This is so great! Mostly my cat just gives me this terrible look that makes me feel guilty for doing anything but pay attention to him ever

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh no not the look! I know exactly what you mean hahaha ๐Ÿ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

  13. I sat down to start reading some emails and suddenly I hear a screaming cat outside. He is staring at the very large, very open window screaming at me. So I open the front door, which he runs through, despite having a catflap and an open window. Watches me sit down jumps on my lap and then sits on the keyboard blocking my view of the monitor and he wonders why I call him an arsehole.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh man this made me laugh!!!! What an asshole hahaha

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I have 2 of them, both as bad as each other.

        Like

  14. Never seen a cat eat paper before, only dogs. Very impressive!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I reckon! That’s why I had to include the video ๐Ÿ™‚ (As proof!!)

      Like

  15. Oh, so funny. And the bits of video made me laugh. My husband thought I’d gone mad, laughing at my computer!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Haha omg that’s the best hahaha

      Like

  16. Ha! I thought only my cat ate paper!

    Way too much truth in this.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Your cat eats paper too???! Holy schmoley there’s a fair few of us by the sounds of it! #SilentSufferers hahaha

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Chomps right through it and tears off pieces. Leaves pointy-hole teeth marks. *shakes head*

        Liked by 1 person

        1. I know all about those pointy-holes.. hahaha

          Liked by 1 person

  17. Jennifer Barraclough Avatar
    Jennifer Barraclough

    Great post. I have three cats. Last night I gave up writing after Leo jumped on the keyboard. Started practicing piano instead but Daisy joined in on the bass. Turned to my knitting till Magic bit through the wool.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Sounds like you have your hands full! Especially with the wool hahah, imagine the mess a cat would make with an unattended knitting project, like OMG

      Like

  18. I have the good fortune to have a husband who is magnetically attractive to cats. So they pile up on him while I get to work. (Moving my desk out of the sun also helped.) The only downside is when they decide the best way to get to his desk to get attention of a foodward nature is to walk right across my keybsdthyi5y’poj

    Liked by 2 people

    1. OMG that must be so handy!! Must get me one of those ahahaha

      Liked by 1 person

  19. This had me laughing out loud, so so funny. I’m glad my dog isn’t so nimble ๐Ÿ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Could you imagine if dogs were that nimble? Omg we’d never get any work done ever!!

      Liked by 1 person

  20. Graham Kar Avatar
    Graham Kar

    So funny. Trying but still.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It’s a tough gig to get through – but we’re all here to help!

      Like

  21. Yes, that is about right. We had a cat that combined 1 & 3 and sat behind the keyboard tray.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh man that would be so creepy – especially when they just come out of nowhere haha

      Liked by 1 person

  22. You wouldn’t have all this aggravation if you were a rodent person. Just sayin’.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Guinea pigs respect the writing process.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Hahah you have a guinea pig? Don’t worry, I must be a rodent person too, when I was a kid I had a heap of guineas pigs ๐Ÿ™‚

        Like

  23. I can so relate to #2. Although my cat seems to enjoy stepping on the right combination of buttons to make weird things appear on my screen. Like weird menus and sub-menus that I didn’t even know existed. ๐Ÿ˜€

    Also, if my cat gets lonely/hungry/??, he’ll pace outside my bedroom door, trying out every possible variation of the word “Meow” until it’s impossible to ignore.

    But he is an awesome little cat. So, I guess I’ll keep him. ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Your cat sounds just wonderful!! Oh and my cat does this too – the pacing outside the door thing – where he’ll meow like he’s dying until I let him in hahah.

      Liked by 2 people

  24. This is why I want a virtual cat. ๐Ÿ˜ Funny post, thanks. ๐Ÿ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  25. Loved this highly relatable post! “Cat ate my manuscript!” works just as well on publishers as “Dog ate my homework!” works on teachers. ๐Ÿ˜‰ Just sayin’.
    Stephanie

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Yes exactly !! Just imagine if it was my only copy!! hahah ๐Ÿ™‚

      Like

  26. Haha, Thats funny. Though I never had cats but I still can relate to your feeling when you see your most dearest and cutest cat eating your manuscript.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yeah it’s definitely relatable even if you don’t have a cat hahaha

      Like

  27. Love this! My cat sits on my laptop all of the time and then sits on it. He is worse than the kid!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Haha wow there are so many cats that do this! Why do they love keyboards so much? Or is so they can be the centre of attention?

      Liked by 1 person

  28. That’s cute! I would lock my manuscript if I ever finish. ๐Ÿ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Good idea ๐Ÿ™‚

      Like

  29. […] via The nine stages of trying to write when you have a cat โ€” Milly Schmidt […]

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  30. OMG- I would have come close to passing out had I come home and seen the cat eating my manuscript, lol. Fortunately, the worst any of my felines has accomplished has been the fine art of sitting on my hands whilst I’m trying to type. As you mention, cat is nowhere to be found when I sit down and get situated but no sooner than I’m in the flow – fingers just dancing across the keyboard, ideas flowing like manna from Heaven, then like magic, they would appear on the couch (if I was using my laptop), or on the desk; two shakes of the tail and they are suddenly full on laid out across my hands and keyboard. And thus begins the “move the cat, type two words, move the cat, type two words; oh screw it the cat can have the keyboard” Cha-Cha. lol.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. This is brilliant! But wow your cat sounds full on! I have no clue how you cope hahaha. My cat actually never goes for the keyboard (just the paper, please for help yada yada hahah). What would we do without them?? ๐Ÿ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

  31. Hahaha, so true. My black cat Kana eats my papers and nips me all the time to feed her! I shared the link on Twitter, Facebook, and Pinterest! So funny.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Awesome thank you! Hahah your cat eats paper too? Classic!! Thank goodness I’m not the only one!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Perry is starting to do it now, too. So now I have two of them to watch out for! ๐Ÿ™‚

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Hahah oh no you poor thing!! ๐Ÿ˜‚

          Liked by 1 person

  32. LOL this made me smile ๐Ÿ™‚ So true!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Haha awesome ๐Ÿ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

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