The nine stages of trying to write when you have a cat

It is a truth universally acknowledged* that if you’re a writer who has a cat – well you’re going to need all the help you can get.

They use many tactics to keep us distracted, and it is up to all of us to compile our resources and figure out a way to combat this threat to our creative writing process #ThisIsSerious

Please do contact me ASAP if you suffer from any of the challenges listed below:

1. It’s writing time and you’ve hit the jackpot. Your cat has vanished and you have many hours of uninterrupted writing time spread out before you. But you’d be wrong. Of course.

cupboard-cat

2. And then it happens. That moment when your cat somehow magically selects Ctr+A followed by the delete button. IT CAN HAPPEN.

lion-annoying

3. Luckily us humans know of this handy thing called ‘Ctr+z’. So now they have no choice but to resort to ‘the stare’. It is one of the most intense things you’ll ever experience

creepycat_zps000fefc5

4. But you’re wrong. Again. Because there’s this lingering smell… that’s turning into a bloody horrific stench and you can’t concentrate on anything else because like holy balls what have you eaten mate?? And where the hell is that damn poop-a-scoop thingy and why can’t you afford a self-cleaning litter-robot!?

kittensand

5. You’ve written 25 words when you realise it’s quiet. Too quiet. Wait, did you leave the window open? Nah, you’re pretty sure you didn’t.

flyingcat

6. You’ve finally, miraculously come up with the best twist in the whole world when – BAM. You hear THE MEOW. The I’m about to die meow unless you come and save me meow. But by the time you get there – he’s fine. And the twist you just came up with? It’s gone. Forever.

cat stuck.gif

7. It has taken countless support groups and late night research sessions, but you’ve finally figured out how to distract your cat. Boxes.

maru box.gif

8. But the box only works for so long. The cat wants food. Now.

sliding-cat

9. After you’ve spent possibly decades trying to ignore/feed/hide from your cat and complete your masterpiece, you think ‘I’ve won! I’ve finally finished!’ But then you come home to this:

cta eating paper.gif

Yes, this actually happened to me:

*clearly Jane Austen

73 thoughts

  4. Hahahaha such a funny post and so true! The miaow and the stare are my cats favourite tactics! So glad it’s not just me 😊 I once dropped my Mac because my cat was pestering me when writing, it slid off my knee and broke the screen!! Arghhhhhh! But we still love them!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    1. Argh no way! Broke the screen? That would be my worst nightmare LOL. Were you able to get it fixed? The worst thing my cat’s done is shatter one of my favourite bowls from this special range you can’t buy anymore. I couldn’t get angry at him though because he was so distressed by the loud shattering noise that I had to comfort him for aaaaages hahaha

      Like

      Reply

  5. Haha I was just trying to read this but now my arms are being laid on and my neck has needle like claws in it as I’m being kneaded! Nice timing dear Aten Cat. Well I will resume reading this in a bit as now I’m being headbutted.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    1. hahaha, I know all about those needles! The other day I was a little confused as to why I had all these ‘pimples’ on my shoulder. Took me a second before I realised it’s where my cat digs his claws into whenever I pick him up

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

  6. Oh goodness the truth in this! Haha! The only thing I’ve never dealt with my cats (yes I have two..double trouble lol) is they don’t like to eat paper but they do like to sit on and next to me as if I’m a big comfy couch.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    1. Funnily enough my cat actually doesn’t sit on me too much. He prefers the dog bed, which the dog is never too happy about… I ended up having to buy two identical dog beds (had to be the exact same size) because the cat ALWAYS chooses the biggest bed!

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

  7. Caaaaatssss ❤ I'm already freaking out. I have two and I tend to have a love-hate relationship all the time. Also, thank you for following. Your blog is beautiful <3. I'm going to read all over, gasping and awww ing at cat pictures along the way 😀

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

      1. Well the first one is completely um how do you call it, a gentlecat speciment of the felines 😛 hahahahaha I mean he NEVER misbehaves. He’s almost 2 years old. I don’t know why his old caretakers were so hell bent on getting rid of him. The other. I got as a baby. He’s the devil, you ask me! Gawd. Even now he’s staring at me continuously and I’m pretty sure he must have either pooped on my research journal or my writing pad or chewed up my pencils. hahahaha He does that all the time.. And you know what, he demands to be fed an egg at breakfast. SMH

        Like

        Reply

    1. Lucky you! My cat’s inside only and he pesters me endlessly to go outside. I have to give him supervised visits all the time. I wish he could be outside! (I live on a super busy road).

      Like

      Reply

  11. The worst thing my moggy does is insist on a cuddle up in my chest on the desk with his head on my wrist. It’s kind of sweet and I mostly accommodate but sometimes he just gets shoved to the side. He tries to sneak back in. But mostly my cat is more like a dog than a cat. And thank God he never meows for dinner. He’s worked out that the stare is very good for manifesting food into the bowl.

    On Tue, Sep 26, 2017 at 11:44 PM, Milly Schmidt wrote:

    > Milly Schmidt posted: “It is a truth universally acknowledged* that if > you’re a writer who has a cat – well you’re going to need all the help you > can get. They use many tactics to keep us distracted, and it is up to all > of us to compile our resources and figure out a way to co” >

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    1. Haha I love that your cat uses ‘the stare’ to get food! Mine does something similar, he’ll get as close to me as he can, proceeds to stare and then taps me on the cheek (he does it when I’m sleeping too, which scares me to no end). Took me a while to realise that this was his ‘give me food now’ tactic hahaha

      Like

      Reply

  15. I sat down to start reading some emails and suddenly I hear a screaming cat outside. He is staring at the very large, very open window screaming at me. So I open the front door, which he runs through, despite having a catflap and an open window. Watches me sit down jumps on my lap and then sits on the keyboard blocking my view of the monitor and he wonders why I call him an arsehole.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  19. Great post. I have three cats. Last night I gave up writing after Leo jumped on the keyboard. Started practicing piano instead but Daisy joined in on the bass. Turned to my knitting till Magic bit through the wool.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  20. I have the good fortune to have a husband who is magnetically attractive to cats. So they pile up on him while I get to work. (Moving my desk out of the sun also helped.) The only downside is when they decide the best way to get to his desk to get attention of a foodward nature is to walk right across my keybsdthyi5y’poj

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply

  25. I can so relate to #2. Although my cat seems to enjoy stepping on the right combination of buttons to make weird things appear on my screen. Like weird menus and sub-menus that I didn’t even know existed. 😀

    Also, if my cat gets lonely/hungry/??, he’ll pace outside my bedroom door, trying out every possible variation of the word “Meow” until it’s impossible to ignore.

    But he is an awesome little cat. So, I guess I’ll keep him. 😉

    Liked by 3 people

    Reply
  31. Pingback: Cats – Can’t Write With Them, Can’t Live without Them ;-) – Nowata Press

  32. OMG- I would have come close to passing out had I come home and seen the cat eating my manuscript, lol. Fortunately, the worst any of my felines has accomplished has been the fine art of sitting on my hands whilst I’m trying to type. As you mention, cat is nowhere to be found when I sit down and get situated but no sooner than I’m in the flow – fingers just dancing across the keyboard, ideas flowing like manna from Heaven, then like magic, they would appear on the couch (if I was using my laptop), or on the desk; two shakes of the tail and they are suddenly full on laid out across my hands and keyboard. And thus begins the “move the cat, type two words, move the cat, type two words; oh screw it the cat can have the keyboard” Cha-Cha. lol.

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply

    1. This is brilliant! But wow your cat sounds full on! I have no clue how you cope hahaha. My cat actually never goes for the keyboard (just the paper, please for help yada yada hahah). What would we do without them?? 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

Gravatar
WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. ( Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. ( Log Out /  Change )

Cancel

Connecting to %s