The nine stages of trying to write when you have a cat

It is a truth universally acknowledged* that if you’re a writer who has a cat – well you’re going to need all the help you can get.

They use many tactics to keep us distracted, and it is up to all of us to compile our resources and figure out a way to combat this threat to our creative writing process #ThisIsSerious

Please do contact me ASAP if you suffer from any of the challenges listed below:

1. It’s writing time and you’ve hit the jackpot. Your cat has vanished and you have many hours of uninterrupted writing time spread out before you. But you’d be wrong. Of course.

cupboard-cat

2. And then it happens. That moment when your cat somehow magically selects Ctr+A followed by the delete button. IT CAN HAPPEN.

lion-annoying

3. Luckily us humans know of this handy thing called ‘Ctr+z’. So now they have no choice but to resort to ‘the stare’. It is one of the most intense things you’ll ever experience

creepycat_zps000fefc5

4. But you’re wrong. Again. Because there’s this lingering smell… that’s turning into a bloody horrific stench and you can’t concentrate on anything else because like holy balls what have you eaten mate?? And where the hell is that damn poop-a-scoop thingy and why can’t you afford a self-cleaning litter-robot!?

kittensand

5. You’ve written 25 words when you realise it’s quiet. Too quiet. Wait, did you leave the window open? Nah, you’re pretty sure you didn’t.

flyingcat

6. You’ve finally, miraculously come up with the best twist in the whole world when – BAM. You hear THE MEOW. The I’m about to die meow unless you come and save me meow. But by the time you get there – he’s fine. And the twist you just came up with? It’s gone. Forever.

cat stuck.gif

7. It has taken countless support groups and late night research sessions, but you’ve finally figured out how to distract your cat. Boxes.

maru box.gif

8. But the box only works for so long. The cat wants food. Now.

sliding-cat

9. After you’ve spent possibly decades trying to ignore/feed/hide from your cat and complete your masterpiece, you think ‘I’ve won! I’ve finally finished!’ But then you come home to this:

cta eating paper.gif

Yes, this actually happened to me:

*clearly Jane Austen

58 thoughts on “The nine stages of trying to write when you have a cat

  1. The worst thing my moggy does is insist on a cuddle up in my chest on the desk with his head on my wrist. It’s kind of sweet and I mostly accommodate but sometimes he just gets shoved to the side. He tries to sneak back in. But mostly my cat is more like a dog than a cat. And thank God he never meows for dinner. He’s worked out that the stare is very good for manifesting food into the bowl.

    On Tue, Sep 26, 2017 at 11:44 PM, Milly Schmidt wrote:

    > Milly Schmidt posted: “It is a truth universally acknowledged* that if > you’re a writer who has a cat – well you’re going to need all the help you > can get. They use many tactics to keep us distracted, and it is up to all > of us to compile our resources and figure out a way to co” >

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Haha I love that your cat uses ‘the stare’ to get food! Mine does something similar, he’ll get as close to me as he can, proceeds to stare and then taps me on the cheek (he does it when I’m sleeping too, which scares me to no end). Took me a while to realise that this was his ‘give me food now’ tactic hahaha

      Like

  2. I sat down to start reading some emails and suddenly I hear a screaming cat outside. He is staring at the very large, very open window screaming at me. So I open the front door, which he runs through, despite having a catflap and an open window. Watches me sit down jumps on my lap and then sits on the keyboard blocking my view of the monitor and he wonders why I call him an arsehole.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Great post. I have three cats. Last night I gave up writing after Leo jumped on the keyboard. Started practicing piano instead but Daisy joined in on the bass. Turned to my knitting till Magic bit through the wool.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I have the good fortune to have a husband who is magnetically attractive to cats. So they pile up on him while I get to work. (Moving my desk out of the sun also helped.) The only downside is when they decide the best way to get to his desk to get attention of a foodward nature is to walk right across my keybsdthyi5y’poj

    Liked by 2 people

  5. I can so relate to #2. Although my cat seems to enjoy stepping on the right combination of buttons to make weird things appear on my screen. Like weird menus and sub-menus that I didn’t even know existed. 😀

    Also, if my cat gets lonely/hungry/??, he’ll pace outside my bedroom door, trying out every possible variation of the word “Meow” until it’s impossible to ignore.

    But he is an awesome little cat. So, I guess I’ll keep him. 😉

    Liked by 3 people

  6. OMG- I would have come close to passing out had I come home and seen the cat eating my manuscript, lol. Fortunately, the worst any of my felines has accomplished has been the fine art of sitting on my hands whilst I’m trying to type. As you mention, cat is nowhere to be found when I sit down and get situated but no sooner than I’m in the flow – fingers just dancing across the keyboard, ideas flowing like manna from Heaven, then like magic, they would appear on the couch (if I was using my laptop), or on the desk; two shakes of the tail and they are suddenly full on laid out across my hands and keyboard. And thus begins the “move the cat, type two words, move the cat, type two words; oh screw it the cat can have the keyboard” Cha-Cha. lol.

    Liked by 2 people

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