The nine stages of getting trolled

There is something about the idea of ‘trolling’ that is just so innately relatable to cats. Perhaps it’s because cats take the power away from trolls, turning them into something infinitely more harmless.

To all the trolls out there, so long and thanks for all the fish!

1. Your latest post has gone live on your website, and you sit in a corner, cheeks shining with glee and satisfaction. But not because you think your post is marvellous (well of course it is) but you’re chuffed because you’ve just polished off an entire block of chocolate

turkey-coma1

 

2. Five seconds later you notice someone has left you a comment. Someone called ‘thug ducks’* is calling you a wannabe try hard and your entire blog bulls— and a piece of pooh

confused-gif-1

 

3. Initially you don’t understand how or why Winnie the Pooh was cut up into a million pieces. God, poor Pooh. Who would do that?

what the hell are you doing cat gif.gif

 

4. And then you realise that you’ve just been trolled!

cat attack cupboard

 

5. You can’t even believe it and all you want to do is…

flyingcat

 

6. After you regain your senses, a process which may take anywhere from 5 minutes to 2 years, you debate on what you should do next

Angry-cat-hates-everything

 

7. You begin to imagine what you’d do to a troll in real life…

catbite

 

8. But of course. You wouldn’t do that. You’re a writer for God’s sake and you will TRIUMPH over all. Cue heroic instrumental music

waiting cat

 

9. But… well… you’re also just a girl, standing in front of a troll, asking him to love her

cat-pat

 

 

* Thug ducks is in reality a blending of a few trolls I have come across on my YouTube channel and here on WordPress

63 thoughts

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      1. That sounds like an excellent plan. I have only really been trolled once, & the person ended up blocking me on social media which saved me a job. And I have just carried on writing about cats!

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        1. I can’t believe they blocked you! Made me laugh. Maybe the troll thought blocking you would give them some kind of power, except all they’ve done is do you a favour 🙂
          I just saw your latest blog post was about your cat waking you up in the middle of the night! I understand your pain. Happens to me like clock work at 4.30am when my cat hits me on the face demanding attention haha

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          1. Well, this is exactly it. Remaining in my life & continuing to torment me would have been MUCH more painful!

            And I don’t really get hit in the face by my cat, but I get the passive-aggressive rolling, purring, padding up & down etc. 😳

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  15. I always love your posts and this one is great. Trolls appear in many different forms throughout life not just on comments for post in blogs. Aimless and mindless people, who have nothing better to do than watch you. Ah ha, they also try to copy you and be you in their small world, but alas they cannot copy something unique.

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    1. Awesome 🙂 Yeah, trolls are indeed a curious breed of people. One thing that always surprises me (or perhaps doesn’t) is that most of the trolls on YouTube are young kids, but the one or two ‘real’ trolls (not the spam bots) I’ve encountered on WordPress were adults. I suppose it’s the medium. You’re more likely to find baby trolls on YouTube

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  20. My trolls seem to get caught in the spam filter. And given the nature of their accusations, they don’t bother me any more than the email spam which offers to augment body parts I do not, in fact, possess.
    Everything is better with cats, though!

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    1. Good to hear your spam filter catches them!! I had one a few months ago that slipped through and was sitting there on my blog, for all to read. I could have kept it up, but for their own protection, I deleted it!
      Soooo much better with cats 🙂

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    1. No, thank you! The fuck everything cat is probably my favoute. It literally works for EVERY situation imaginable. Going to your pantry and realising you’ve run out of coffee? Fuck this. Waiting in line 20 minutes for your tall decaf cappuccino? Fuck that.

      God it’s endless haha

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    1. Yay thanks!! Laughing out loud is the aim but I’m never sure if they’re funny or not – or if it’s just me being super lame and laughing at my own stuff (which I know you’re not supposed to do or ever admit to hahaha…)

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